Ok...now what?

To be honest, this post will be difficult to hit “send” because this will outline a lot of what I always think of as my failures. I know I should more look at them as things that make me me, the journey and the things that I learned along the way, so maybe after I therapeutically put it all out I will hopefully have a different mindset.

I grew up in Le Mars, IA – Ice Cream Capitol of the World. Wells Blue Bunny Ice Cream was/is made at my hometown, and it was a HUGE staple of what the town boasted. Really I think the title of the town should not be “Ice Cream Capitol of the World” but more-so “Wells Blue Bunny Ice Cream – the main thing that is really keeping this town thriving”. Growing up though in the town was a great experience – great family, friends, and neighbors; it seemed like everywhere you went people were happy, would always wave, and the feel of the town is really cozy. 

Along with the title though, I had terrible eating habits. Ice cream was pretty much a staple of my diet, so I had it regularly. Fast forward into my college days and even though my eating habits got slightly better, it wasn’t at all Utopian in nature. 

I got my Music Education degree from Morningside and had a good outlook for my education career – I thought, “Now my experiences/lessons learned at Morningside will show up in the students I teach out in the classroom, wherever it may be.”

…at the time I didn’t realize that a huge punch-line of a joke was already being sent my way. 

I taught 2 years in Gowrie, IA.I would’ve taught longer, but due to budget cuts, school closings, and me being one of the newest hires, I knew my number was up. I moved to Omaha because at the time (and still now) Amy had a job at the Nebraska Medical Center. 

After marriage, I realized how my weight got out of control and that I really needed to get things in check. I got extremely serious about my health, because my Why is simply this: longer years on this Earth with my wife and future family—Period. Straight-forward goal, and I got to work. I lost 65 pounds doing so through P90X (Thanks, Tony!), and from there became a Beachbody Coach, helping others to achieve their fitness goals as well.

I finally got a job at St. Albert Catholic HS starting in the Fall, and it lasted about 2 years. I decided it wasn’t for me due after that period of time due to the facts of 1) Never becoming full-time, 2) No benefits, 3) 23-30 minute drive one-way, and most importantly, 4) It took a lot of time away from Amy and I.

So I did the gig-ing thing that only an actor knows well to do: taught lessons at a few schools, did some shows at the Rose Children’s Theater, and got more involved with my Beachbody business. I found a job at CRAVE being a server, but I informed them I wanted to not end up as a full-time server and grow into management (a field I was slightly interested in at the time).

Well, now I find myself as a Supervisor at CRAVE and helping people achieve their fitness goals with my help and through Team Beachbody.

Lately I’ve been thinking of all of the things I’ve done, the jobs I’ve held, the people I’ve met, and I sit here typing and thinking, Am I really happy?

Am I happy that I have a job that pays well? Yes. Is it my dream job? Definitely not. My dream job used to be doing the Broadway route, auditioning for gigs, serving tables, and finding my way through shows and how to eat efficiently. Now my priorities are different. I’m more and more focused on family than ever, and with my current status (of jobs, location, life)—I’m not settled. I love helping people achieve their goals (fitness, personal), and I want more of that. I want a job that when I wake up I look forward and one that I really want to give it my all. I’m not saying I half-ass my way through work, because when I’m on the clock, I put 110% in what I do, but off the clock I find myself not liking it for more reasons than the reasons why I like it.

That’s wrong, right? Isn’t our goal for us and what our parents want for us is to be happy and have it better than what they had?

My dream job is this: Helping others achieve their goals, and knowing that my help got them to that goal. I want to still be involved in music/acting, but more on a "at-home" music basis and community-involved. I’m also interested in acting, but voice-acting. If you know me at all you know I like to do voices/impersonations. Finding the voice-over job, health/wellness job through helping others, and having time to be with Amy is my dream that I repeat in my head time and time again hoping that someday I’ll wake up and my dream is a reality. 

I have faults, and I’m not perfect. I still struggle with trusting myself to achieve my own goals. I still have issues with sweets/ice cream (just talk to Amy – I become a vampire with ice cream as the blood to consume). I workout, but I have my moments (whether a day or sometimes more than 2-3 days) where I don’t eat healthy and I need that push from my friends/family. I love wine, and sometimes too much so. There was a time in the past where I found drinking to be the nice escape from stress of jobs, family, and relationships with others/situations. I focus frequently on the future, but at times so much so I forget what is going on right in front of me and don’t complete tasks that should be done sooner than later.

I’m not meaning this blog post to be “oh, woe is me” or “look at my story”, but I need to type this out and get it off my chest once and for all.

I’m stressed out about the career that I’m in and I don’t know where to go from here – I feel extremely stuck. At times I revive old grudges at individuals/situations that brought me to this place where I’m at and I blame them for how I got here.

Bottom line: Situations got me here, some controlled and others uncontrolled, but it’s up to me to get where I want to be. I am and always will work on my faults, improve myself everyday, and I’ll look for opportunities to be better in the future. I love reading self-help/inspirational books. I really do love working out – I feel good afterwards. I love playing games. I love hanging out with people, and especially catching up with old friends. I love coffee (sometimes more than others depending on how much sleep I got), and I currently have a love for Teavana tea J. I love my wife, Amy, and doing this journey all over again Amy would still be my choice.

  

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I do feel better posting this, and to those that are reading it and feel a bit of commonality with me, know that you are not alone. I think it’s one of life’s riddles to figure out what really your true purpose is in life, and it’s up to the experiences/people/places/actions taken that figure out the answer in the end.

Take care all --- Stakman